When God Made You

  Did you ever want to change something about yourself? I did. I couldn’t tell you exactly when it started... 

  As a little girl, my parents and my grandma told me I was the most beautiful girl in the world, and I believed them. I don’t remember ever doubting it for a minute! 

  When I became a teenager, though, something changed. I was suddenly hyper-aware of what others thought of me. Ok, I mainly cared what the guys thought of me. My little brother Benny calls it, “the awkward age.” I looked at myself and saw someone dumb and uninteresting. It didn’t seem to matter that I was a straight-A student. When I compared myself to my friends and, oh yes, to my crush, I just knew they were so smart, and I was so dumb. 

  

  By the time I was 19, I had already been rejected twice. My crushes had chosen girls who were very different than me. Now I knew what was wrong! If I could just be skinnier, (I only weighed 120), or if I could just be flashier, or more glamorous, maybe someone would like me. 

  I dyed my hair blonde. I dyed my hair black. I cut my hair short. I grew it long. I got fake nails. I waxed my face. I dieted. I bought more and more makeup and never let a day go by without it. I used the makeup to try to make my cheeks look hollow and to make my nose look narrow. I obsessed about my imaginary double chin and did my best to make it go away. And I looked at my boring brown eyes and wished that I could trade them in for blue or green. 

  I was working at Chick-fil-A at the time, and if I had a shift that started at 5:30 am, I got up at 3:30 am so that I would have time for the many layers of makeup I felt I needed to apply. I remember looking at my bare face in the mirror and thinking that I could never let the guys in my life know how ugly I was. 

  As I travel down memory lane, my dad’s voice comes back to me, louder than all my insecurity, “You’re SO much prettier without makeup, Gabby. I wish you’d let guys see you without makeup.” At first, I ignored him. I was sure he didn't know what he was talking about. He kept saying it, though, and eventually, it started to get to me. 

  I began to feel that every time I looked in the mirror and saw “ugly,” I was displeasing the Lord. I was being unthankful. The problem was that I was so used to the face I was creating every day, that I had forgotten what I really looked like. 

  So, I started to leave off the makeup more often than I put it on. I forced myself to get used to living in my own skin. I began to like myself again.

  Then, one wonderful evening, my dad and I went to meet with my pastor, Jerry Alway, about something completely unrelated to insecurity. At some point during our meeting, I said the phrase, “trying to be like the cool kids.” Well, THAT set my pastor off! Without knowing anything about my struggles, he talked to me about almost every insecurity I ever had. He repeated over and over a sentence that I will never forget. “When God made you, He said, ‘This is what I want, and it's perfect!!” 

  My friends, when we grasp that concept, we find freedom in Christ. You and I have been built to God’s exact specifications. We have all the features, all the talents, and all the personality traits that He wants us to have. He didn't make a mistake with you or with me. We are what He wants, and we're perfect. 

  Today I work out and eat healthy food because I want to be fit and strong. I wear makeup or don't, depending on my mood of the day, and choose my hairstyles based on whatever I like at the time. My makeup philosophy has changed. Instead of trying to hide or change my features, I choose to emphasize them. 

  If you've ever thought, “Hey, this is a cool blog, but why does she call it, ‘Butterfly Days’?”, it's because of me. I'm the butterfly that the Lord has set free from her cocoon. It's also because of you. Because I see you. The person who doesn't like himself/herself. I know who you are because I've walked in your shoes. And I dream of the day when you'll become a butterfly, set free to be the perfect person God made you to be!