The Worst Morning of My Life

   Penny looked up at me as I came down the stairs. Her face said plainly, “Where’s Mama? I don’t understand.” She was huddled on the couch in the dark, trying in vain to see out through the window shades into the night. I scooped her up, and took her to my room. I couldn’t explain…she’s only a dog after all, and she doesn’t speak English…but I could hug her, and I did. All night. 


   March 6, 2022 is a day I will never forget. For me, the day started at about 3:40am with my dad yelling for someone to call 911. My mom had collapsed in the bathroom and was unconscious. She was making noises that we thought were the sounds of choking. We had never seen a grand mal seizure. There are no words to describe the panic and helplessness that we experienced. My dad and my brothers were all either trying to keep Mom alive, or talking to 911. When my sister and I heard that Mom had stopped breathing completely, we ran outside to wait for the paramedics. We stood on the driveway in the dark, still wearing our pajamas and crying to Jesus as we waited for the sound of sirens. And He stood there with us. Looking back, I remember Him being there. I couldn’t see Him, and He didn’t say anything. He just stood there with us. He was present. I was filled with a sense that He had known we would face a medical emergency that morning, even though it caught us by surprise. Recently, I asked my sister if she remembers Jesus being there with us on the driveway, and she said she does. It isn’t only my memory. 


   Soon, the paramedics arrived. How wonderful it was to hear the paramedics say, “It’s not a code!” (In other words, “the patient isn’t dead.”)About an hour later we received a call from my parents at the hospital. “Guys!” Mom said, “You didn’t let the paramedics come upstairs into that messy hallway, did you?!” We laughed, and knew that she would be okay. 


   As I look back to that morning, I have no memories of questioning the Lord. I didn’t ask how He could let this happen to us. I don’t remember doubting Him for one minute, or ever being angry with Him. Not because I’m special somehow. It just never even occurred to me to question or be angry! 


    Ecclesiastes 5:2 says, “Be not rash with thy mouth, and let not thine heart be hasty to utter any thing before God: for God is in Heaven, and thou upon earth: therefore let thy words be few.” 


    In the Christian world of today, it’s common to hear people saying they are “angry at God.” There are Christian movies that show believers either questioning God, or screaming and shouting at Him. Over the years, this has been a mystery to me. I couldn’t remember a time in the Bible when it was okay to be angry with God. After all, He created us, and DIED for us. What on earth could we have to be angry about? Upon further research, I found that much of Christianity considers Job the perfect example of how to be angry with God. It seems to me that it’s time for us to rethink that… After all, in Job 38, 39, 40, and 41 God Himself verbally chastises Job. All four chapters say basically one thing to the man who dared to question God: “Who are you, and what do you know about anything?” Then there’s Romans 9:20: 


   “But who are you, a human being, to talk    back to God? Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’” 


   That’s really the question. Who do we think we are? Who do we think God is? Does He have to explain Himself to us? Should I shout and scream and demand that He tell me WHY my mom had a seizure? Do you think that I could understand His explanation? Could Penny understand if I sat down and explained to her that Mama was in the hospital? She’s a dog, and I’m a human. There are things that I know, that she’ll never understand. So instead of explaining, I just hug her. 

  

   That’s what Jesus did for me on the worst morning of my life. He didn’t explain anything to my limited brain. He just stayed with me and loved me. And it was enough. 

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